ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
