i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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