do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
