I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
