How'd it feel making her break her religion?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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