I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
