i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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