Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
