We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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