Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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