I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
