Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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