I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
