Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
last night I used snow as a chaser
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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