I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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