you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
