Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
