At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
