He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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