That's intense
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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