Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
