I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
