from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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