Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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