when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
