You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
