its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
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