it wasn't lemon gatorade
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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