please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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