no, he came in my armpit
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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