I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
