All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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