i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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