Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
