Screwed.edu
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
