Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
That's intense
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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