tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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