I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize