We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
