we have pet lesbian snakes
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
