Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
