I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
