are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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