She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Bring me that man meat
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
