So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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