Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Someone came in the potted fern
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
