I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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