around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hippo gnu deer
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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