she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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