hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
