I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
