Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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