Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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