Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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