it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
