Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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