I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
