You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
