Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
