I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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