You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize