She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
